Why do i have this overwhelming feeling that i am going to die soon. A rational fear? A feeling that is all-encompassing. Like looking forward to something which shouldnt be thought about but is. The only real true fact from ones life. Why do i have this feeling, this knowledge, this belief. Why am i waiting to die?
Last night we went for a curry; a leaving meal with family. A weekend spent partying with all of my family. My mother’s sixtieth birthday. A feeling that i have spent a milestone with both of my parents. I am grateful i spent it with them, but still this leads me back to my first sentence on this page. A sentence of fear and fear. Something i have never felt before, not this intense.
My only explanation for this irrational fear is reading the news every day and being so closely linked with the horror that this world faces, via the press. I absorb the internet far too much, hence having these stupid thoughts.
This is the real reason i worry about going away. My death. The end. His death, our death.I can skirt around the edge of pretty-ing up sentences but when it comes down to the real anxiety this is my concern and the fear i have within. I am going to die soon and i can do nothing about it. I have not made the choice but this is the end. I can feel the realise.