The keys form cords that induce an eyeball elevation.
Flickering frames, birds flying in and out of vision.
A pigeon or a crow replacing the mighty ginger eagle of the sea,
From way back then.
The beach became paving slabs and moss,
The sun disguised by brick not coconut.
The Arabian Sea profound and distant.
Warm Indian faces replaced by impatient Caucasians at the bus stop K.
Lentils to tinsel
Beetroot from jars
Water to Wicked.
Brown as a berry coated in snow.
A daily two-hour commute on public transport heading to something which resembles a large red triangle of sorts. A town full of supermarkets and pound-shops instead of aspirations. Poverty and push chairs, mothers and mobility scooters. Bellies and breasts, clad in orange, clad it knocked off sportswear, male and female. Tattooed necks, wrists and knuckles, shiny earrings, belts and buckles. Give it a sausage roll, thank god for Greggs.
Human life equal i hope as i try to put this race into context, picture a global place, many not knowing quite how lucky they are. Anti black, anti asian, anti anything but the tribe. Orange as tanaka and kappa as lungis. Pies and pasties not rice and pigs heads. Curry becomes common ground. Is there more to life than this as it’s not exotic enough for me. All too harsh, edgy, angry. So extreme.
Yellow wintry light fills the wide spacious streets, whilst penetrating my early morning walnut eyes, behind shattered retro gold. Gold from a glorified time. Round three of the road to the town of tribes.
Last nights dinner seeps from the other non driving commuters. From their regular seats before 7:45 AM. Light stinky gas filling the air, eyes full of motorway. Smart shirts and newspapers, space and insular flesh. I choose nil by mouth.
The first frost of September, twenty-seven horses and hot food in lay-byes. Rainbow sun spinning east to west. Unrecognizable in a hundred fabrics, hot in the early morning light, unpeeled. Perched knees ahoy, rocking and riding with the rhythm of the road. Yes again. Houses cutting shapes in the foreground of transient fire. Thoughts jut to cold winter nose steam exhaling from those perfect velvety lined cavities. Little furry horsed purses.
An epic everyday journey is fusing with the special needs and the desperation of others,myself included. A silky headband and overgrown hands. Far from a pilgrimage but a journey on repeat, a test and an opportunity to give , i just hope they want it, i think. Life through glass and glass. A traveling greenhouse where nothing grows, so i read Shantaram. The flesh becomes a breathing garden, my job being to plant in order to flourish. Teaching is like gardening. Students are like plants. This years crop.
The light outside shielded by fabric, drapes, muted. Soft and gentle inhales. The piano and songs about snow.
A small pink lantern looking better on that stall in Bombay.
Coral harmony creeping effortlessly from technology while they work away, painting, filing, i stay horizontal.
All days are different but flat connects one to the next. Siesta?
Nothing apart from a few clothes, a pottery dalmatian, breath and memories. New ones in the making.
A quiet Friday listening to songs about snow.
Thank god the browser has opened! My head is about to explode, in words instead of a Polaroid image. Stress of the final few days makes me a little edgy as i don’t take well to being told what to do, especially after a heady afternoon in the pub and a little too much to drink. Time continues running away and the stress of change is imminent; goodbyes are sad.
My removal from this came via a walk into the fields, on a nostalgic hill looking down at the river, and the cows and the sunset. Listening to Kylie and smoking a one skinner. The space and the sounds and the pair of cows carefully trotting toward the rest of the heard, hopefully not because i was breaking the quiet and the vibration dynamic, but because they were simply on their way, trotting on, trotting off. The field full of sheep seemed to enjoy my rendition of “All The Lovers”, but i have just had five pints. I said goodbye to the landscape whilst filling my eyes and several other organs with the view; perhaps for the final time, this time.
Over the day’s i have been staying at my parents house i have become so much more involved with the sky. It’s absorbing me whether its blue and white, or grey and wet ( Or a combination of it all ). It’s so much more visible here and i am getting so much space from space. Lines of cable or peaks of buildings, or clouds and blue. I have began to look up and look closer to this infinitive mass and getting rather lost in it. Like i feel more attached and closer to being apart of it, in an airplane or the ether. The regions of space beyond the earth’s atmosphere; the heavens.
Heading towards spirituality as an individual would have great personal benefits, but being part of “The Ideal” makes it sooo much harder. How can one have a journey toward god and enlightenment whilst having a relationship with someone else, on earth? I never have been very good at multi-tasking!
With fourteen days until we hit Mumbai i can already feel the city throwing itself at my face. A visual, cultural, sensory assault, but for now still surrounded by green. Today the sky has returned from wherever it’s been.
Already we have put some things in place to create some focus when traveling. An art work placement with the British Council in Delhi and working alongside Burmese refugees in Thailand with youthconnectthailand.org. This will involve seeing a very different India and experiencing new lands, whilst putting skills into practice in other contexts. I am sure this will juxtapose beach trips and other hilarity as the journey progresses. Sometimes i think, can i really be arsed? Other times I’m excited beyond belief. The only thing to do is take it as it comes, live it as it happens. Like today.
There is something pretty nice about spending time hanging out in a five-star hotel pool/spa and shooting pool ( of the non swimming variety) over a couple of pints of larger. Three days out of the last seven have been spent in the above environments, which i will continue to use until i head to Heathrow. Kicking back and just enjoying some relaxation time with an Albanian man whom i have become very fond of. Spending time somewhere as beautiful as Durham; a city of cobbles and religious peaks is a great place to end this period of time. Durham City and the fields of green eighteen minutes away. When i was teaching i found it hard to relax. Teaching now seems like forever away.
This morning i woke up to a fantastic orange glow filling the room where i currently sleep. A sun rise as bright as fire and a taste of what is to come. In England the winter will creep up, creep up as i will be heading toward the sun. The sun is what i am after.
Looking out over the fields from my parents window i see many things. Green and yellow. Blue and white. Grass, crops, sky and clouds; but the main thing i see is the past. The same summer view there always was, but the eyes absorbing the landscape are older and more jaded than they were; but the retinas more experienced. The face containing them is further south, bigger, older, weathered-hairy. Back to the destination where life began with the people who created it. I always feel still here, like time is moving slower than anywhere else. My brain feels out of focus.
Back in a room that was once clad in Kylie posters. A room where i entertained ex-partners, made work for the Arts Council, created my degree show, stroked my dead dogs and played my organ. A room that has so many memories, which now seem to mean nothing. Memories are only that. Thoughts of the past which have little significance in todays incarnation of me.
Daily life this week has been pretty varied. Moving house, a festival launch, art galleries with friends, painting a house, cycling again for the first time in years. Happy days filled with people i love.Tonight will be quite and peaceful i hope; the cows and sheep in the surrounding fields will hopefully be providing the soundtrack. I can happily stay here for another two weeks. Life is calm and still pre transit.