Unsure where to start. I am back in Burma. Back in the land of smiles and the beautiful feeling that gives. Back in the land of complex liner lines above my head. Lines that frame the glowing sun higher than the lines. Back in a country, a space that feels unlike any other since i left back in early December. Cambodia and Laos were interesting and enjoyable but didn’t grab me like my current location has. Unraveled like India unraveled me twelve years ago. A country that grips me and makes me want to become something else. Here i see what that other thing could be, but not without selfish rejection. Selfish to those lives with whom i have a personal history but giving to ones i am still yet to meet, on a journey that will take me forward peace bound. Leave or go, selfish or unknown – i would hate to always wonder.
A time in which to sit in the color of the evening sun, robes stashed deep in my backpack there. The power to want to turn inwards but still this need to express in words. With the insecurity of no ability to succeed but the drive to try or just a swept up silly fantasy? I would rather die a peaceful servant with light in my eyes, than a drunk with dark holes that were once eyes. Dependent on breath or dependent on self indulgence??
The car driving towards the monastery. Air flooding in as i hang out of the window gazing at the sun. Teenage music revisited in a context the furthest away from its original hearing. Sounds that i have evolved too that have ended up being with me in this place, this Burma. A trip that was a new friends suggestion – a deep spiritual American with a connection there. Americans, my committed love and the boy from Burma. A group of people with whom i will share the start of 2012. Under Venus, under the stars and lines amongst love. I can not even begin to describe what happened at the monastery today and perhaps i never will. Just a feeling whilst looking into her deep-set eyes, wrapped in pink the color of the morning sun. Full of joy, full of light, full of truth. Light glowing from her retinas but really and truly from her soul.